


Berries and Cream and Gavin's Grace

by Kyriadamorte



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/F, Leia's Pov, POV Third Person Limited, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, background H/L, but I'm not tagging it as such because I'm not a heathen, some brief Ben mentions but not enough to give him a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 20:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13107516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyriadamorte/pseuds/Kyriadamorte
Summary: Han goes and comes and goes again over the years.Leia handles it with varying levels of decorum.Throughout it all, Amilyn is there.





	Berries and Cream and Gavin's Grace

**Author's Note:**

> I assume if you're here, you've seen TLJ. If you haven't, there are MAJOR spoilers at the end.
> 
> Note: I have not read any of the books, only seen the movies. I apologize if there are inconsistencies, but hopefully they won't take away from your enjoyment.

Leia has always loved dancing.

 

In typical Alderaan style, she celebrates her wedding to Han on five separate occasions.Her life of flowing dresses and intricate dances feels like it happened decades ago instead of merely a few years and she wonders if it makes her awful that a part of her has missed it amidst all the suffering and bloodshed.The celebrations are quiet little things in comparison to the opulent memories of her childhood, but Leia’s lost so much of home and Alderaan that she feels it fair to indulge in the ritual celebratory cycle.

 

She keeps it modest - a handful of friends (with that term occasionally broadened to include potential political allies), enough food to keep everyone mostly full and a patchwork little band cobbled together from three different systems and six different species (their musical choices are … eccentric, to say the least).

 

Han spins her around and around until she collapses into a dizzy heap in one of the battered, wobbly, miss-matched chairs they’d brought into the room.She catches Amilyn’s eye and she smiles and holds Leia’s gaze with the steady intensity that Leia’s grown accustomed to (while others have _not_ ) and lingers her customary two beats a bit too long.Leia’s heart sings as they break into giggles and Leia doesn’t know if she’s ever been happier.

 

~

 

The first time Han leaves, Leia pours her frustration into her work.She’s afraid to go home some days, afraid to let this nasty, sniping part of her near her son.

 

She cannot help but think of a tall black figure who struck down those around him in the heat of frustration.

 

She _needs_ to keep this part of herself away from Ben.

 

Four days in, after terrifying a young lieutenant to the point of tears, Amilyn glides into her living room late one evening after Ben has already been put to bed (bypassing the security codes with a speed that would have been alarming, were it anyone else).

 

She brushes a lock of hair out of Leia’s face and says, softly but firmly, “Tell me.”

 

Leia does.

 

Three hours later, her face is red and she’s got a killer headache, but she thinks she’s purged this vitriol out of her.She lays with her head in Amilyn’s lap while she goes on and on about a new art exhibit she wants to show her. 

 

(They never do go see it, but it’s nice to hear all the same.)

 

The next morning, Amilyn is already gone, but the floral smell of _Gavin’s Grace_ lingers.Leia greets a chattering Ben with a smile and a kiss before sweeping him up into the air.He erupts into a stream of giggles and she doesn’t think of Han or Vader or anything else for the rest of the day.

 

~

 

The second time Han leaves, she skips the bullshit and calls Amilyn immediately.She’s at Leia’s front door in under an hour, brandy and a battered old storybook in hand.She offers the latter to Ben, who pretends not to want it until Amilyn says, “Of course, I’ll just take it back,” and snatches it out of her hands (his half-assed “thanks” over his shoulder is an actual godsend) before retreating to his room. 

 

They cook and drink and spend at least twenty minutes making a good faith showing of planning for the upcoming summit before devolving into singing and dancing and storytelling.

 

She’s in a warm, caramel haze when she invites Amilyn to stay the night.Amillyn gives her a knowing smile before pulling a turquoise set of pajamas out of her small purse with a flourish.

 

Leia snickers into the crook of Amilyn’s neck.In many ways, she has always been the cleverer of the two.

 

They snuggle into bed like teenagers and, before she gives into sleep, she takes Amilyn’s hands in hers, kissing the knuckles.

 

“Thank you.”

 

She thinks she hears “Of course, Leia,” but she can’t be sure.

 

~

 

Han goes and comes and goes again over the years. 

 

Leia handles it with varying levels of decorum.

 

Throughout it all, Amilyn is there. 

 

In light of this, Leia probably shouldn’t be as surprised as she is when she finds herself kissing her.Amilyn is nearly as tall as Han and she pushes up onto her toes, rushing into this kiss with reckless abandon before her bravery runs out.Amilyn doesn’t let her, though.She places her hands softly on either side of Leia’s face and pushes her away gently.She runs her thumbs along Leia’s cheeks, saying, “I’m not going anywhere, my heart.”

 

No, she isn’t, is she?

 

Amilyn leads her to the couch and pulls her onto her lap before initiating their second kiss.It lasts much longer than the first - something slow and thoughtful, just like Amilyn herself. 

 

Her pillows smell like _Gavin’s Grace_ for weeks after.

 

(She cannot bring herself to wash them.)

 

 

~

 

When Han leaves for good (when her son leaves for good), Leia runs to Amilyn.She has only packed a few days worth of clothes, but she cannot return to her house - a smiling, picturesque memorial to her various personal failings.She makes a token gesture of heading towards the guest room, which is met with a single raised eyebrow.

 

She only lets herself cry the first night, when Amilyn wraps her arms around Leia’s waist and kisses gently down her spine.

 

(It’s not Amilyn’s job to constantly put her back together.)

 

Leia tries to make her breakfast as token of her gratitude (as an offer of apology), but she burns the batter.She’s about to lose it all over again in the kitchen when Amilyn sweeps up behind her, a gentle, steady presence in the Force.She kisses her ear and mutters “Good morning” before taking a berry and popping it into her mouth with a smile.

 

“Breakfast looks lovely.”

 

Leia knows it doesn’t, but they gorge themselves on berries and cream and each other and maybe the situation is, at the very least, salvageable.

 

~

 

When Han dies, Amilyn pulls Leia aside into a storage room, away from prying eyes.She holds her while she falls apart and kisses the tears off her cheeks and lets her know when she’s presentable again.

 

Her hand at Leia’s back feels like the only thing that’s keeping her from floating away as she makes her way towards the Command Room.

 

~

 

The first and last time Amilyn ever really leaves Leia, it doesn’t hurt like Alderaan did, like Han did.

 

It’s more like missing a step.

 

Except she keeps falling.

 

_“May the force be with you.”_

 

“Always,” Leia whispers.

 

~

 

Amilyn Holdo never needed to be a star.

 

And yet, without her, Leia finds herself adrift, alone in the vastness of space.


End file.
